Not A Great Day

Today has not been a great day of mine. My ex-gf started dating somebody else. You may be saying to yourself to get over it or move on. Well I'd love to do that but it's not that simple. We broke up in January after being together a year. When we broke up the reason given was that she was not ready to be in a relationship at this time and it wasn't fair to me that I be in one with her if she wasn't ready to give everything to it. It wasn't outright said but implied that there was a great chance we would get back together when the time was right and she was ready. Now we were friends for years before we got together and remained friends after the breakup. We talked everyday and basically everything was the same except for the fact that we never hungout or saw each other. Well she has guy friends and it doesn't bother me that she hangsout with them because I trust her ofcourse. Well this guy friend of hers who she was with before we got together started coming around again. They hungout on numerous occassions but whatever no big deal. I found out today that she really wants to be with him and they have recently started hooking up. That he is her "type" and that she's so happy with him and that she owes it to herself to see what happens between the two. Obviously this came as a total shock since i was deeply in love with her and saw her the "the one" and definitely thought we would get back together. I'm absolutly heartbroken and devastated by this. I obviously need to move on but it's a lot harder than said. We were friends before we dated many years ago and that's when i starte to like her. Then we stopped talking for many years. Not because anything happened but she went away and we just drifted apart. I then found her again and we rekindled our friendship which in turn became us just hooking up and then a couple. On a sidenote the guy she is seeing is a guy I just don't like. I mean if she was dating anybody I wouldn't be happy but I just don't like him. We broke up in January which was rough. It is now July and I feel like we are breaking up all over again except it feels 10 times worse. i feel sick to my stomach literally and I have a headache and can probably guarantee that I won't be getting a good night of sleep tonight. I'm very emotional about her. I don't get emotional about anything else. I think that when you have plans for somebody that you've had feelings for for so long and then findout they don't want to be included it's really tough. She still wants to be friends but said she can understand if I don't want to talk to her again. I don't want to loser her but I know I will be even more hurt hearing about them but like I said I don't want to loser her. She's very important to me and she's almost like my best friend. This has been a rotten day all around. I'm not sure it can get any worse than this as far as this situation is concerned but I'm sure I will put that theory to the test. Writing about it on here makes me feel somewhat better but obviously not that much better. I told her how I felt and she said she's in a different plance right now and that we don't have chemistry anymore and that she's happy with him. I told her I love her and all she could say was that she was sorry and didn't mean to hurt me. I do believe her. She wouldn't do that to me but it just hurts so much. I want her to be happy but in the back of my head I don't want them to workout so that maybe we can have another chance. That's probably a mean spirited way to think especially about somebody that I consider a friend but still. She said she sees me as more of a friend now than as a lover. So I'm basically in the friendzone now. It's a place no man wants to be in especially if they have feelings about the girl whose zone you are trapped in. I feel very depressed and sad. I'm not suicidal or anything but I'm not very happy. Im 28 and she's the first girl I ever told I love you to. People may think well that's why this is sucha big deal to you because it's your first serious gf. I don't mean to toot my own horn but toot toot. I've been with many girls before her and never wanted a gf. I was the guy just looking to hookup. Even when we first hooked up I didn't think it would turn into anything more than friends messing around even though I did like her. But obviously I fell in love with her and felt about her in a way I've never felt about anybody else before. Basically it is what it is. I want her to be happy I just wish it was with me.